Saturday, May 4, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
12:39am
Currently in the truck. On an hour+ ride to Buckberry Lodge to drop off posts for a railing install we're to begin tomorrow at 8:30am. Just finished them.. I won't go in to how we got to that point.. When we leave we have to clean Chad's father's condo, another 'last minute' moment sprung upon me, he has guests coming in the morning. When we get home we have to glue together the "ladder" rails (11 of them) then load them, along with all our tools into the truck.... What time will it be? Will she get any sleep.....?
I had a heart to heart with my brother the other day.. It's been awhile... He cried. He was drunk. He always cries if you get all deep with him when he's drunk.. Guess I'm guilty of that myself.. Either way, it was nice. Kim was at work and I was alone, so it was just the two of us. Which allowed us to say things we wouldn't typically say in their company.. I learned a lot about where he's at in his head, and I think it's a good place. So long as he means his disclosures and he's not just saying them to rationalize his way of thinking at times... (this makes sense to me) The tears were for me though. Which was weird. He said he could see a separation in body language, gestures and communication between Chad and I. He all but blatantly 'begged' me to fix it... I didn't realize how important it is to him that we're happy.
1:44am
Post stacked neatly to the side of the gate. Condo Ho ..
Remember that dream I talked about? The one where I was at sound check for HURT... Well guess what I'm doing on Tuesday! No kidding. I'm going to the venue in Knoxville at 2:00, the one HURT will be playing in that night, and meeting with 9 other lucky fans to watch them set up.. And I am just over the moon excited!! If anything tries to ruin my day I will just.. ugh! I have LITERALLY dreamed of this day :) I've always wondered what runs they practice with, do they make changes to the set list then or is it planned ahead of time.. and a bunch of other random irrelevancies. So I'm crazy stoked. Just be happy for me. Don't try to reason it out. I know how lame I sound. #sheep
2:57am
Condo clean. Pretty certain the previous tenant was either a single mother of an older child or a single gay man with an older child.. the tags on the throw pillows were sticking out, so if I had to choose, I'd say the mom. But the place was maybe cleaner than when they arrived. Which made our lives MUCH easier! So a huge "thank you" to whomever just stayed.
Now an hour drive home to glue... Think I'll catch a nap this trip..
7:15am
On our way back to Buckberry. We decided not to glue up the rails but rather design a system to where we could do it there efficiently. Then we loaded the truck with the remaining sticks and all the supplies we need, then threw a little love the way of personal hygiene. We had about 15 minutes to sit on the couch and chill before leaving. I put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes... And could feel everything from my head to my feet, throbbing.
8:42am
Sitting in the parking lot waiting on the maintenance man to come unlock the gate... LAME! I hate when I go out of my way to be punctual then have to sit and wait on someone else. Let's get this show on the road buddy!!
4:05pm
Back in the truck. Railing all but installed. The very last section needs to be 6" shorter and there's no way to do that here. So we have to go home, fix it, and come back. *sigh* I think we'll wait till Sunday so we can make better support blocks at the same time and add those when we come back too. The outer panels of the deck we put this on needs some love and I don't trust it entirely to support the posts.
5:07
Gonna eat for the first time since that reheated cheese burger I had around midnight last night. Chinese buffet.. look out!
5:58pm
Ate. Leaving Lowes. So sleepy...
Conversation just had:
Chad - It's funny Lowes has a mailbox in their parking lot.
Me - We should mail them a letter.
Chad - Says, 'Hi, I noticed you had a mailbox."
Me - Get one back, just reads, "Thanks."
Yaaa it's safe to say we need a nap... I'm a filthy hot mess...
6:22pm
We're home!
-Showered, made a few needed calls, sent a proposal for a mural in Cedar Rapids, and crashed. HARD. Around 10:00pm. Total time between sleep; 38+ hours ..I'm too old for this shit.
Today has been a whirlwind of cleaning up and planning the following week, which is why I'm just now posting this. Tomorrow now looks like rain all day, so no final install. *sigh* I think instead we'll visit my brother. Make him dinner. I've got brownies in the oven for him right now :) The remaining work at the lodge will have to wait till Monday.. Which the owner is completely cool with, thank God. He loves the result of our work so he isn't sweating the small stuff. #we're awesome
Monday, March 11, 2013
First world problems I suppose
When I was young, pubescent years.. not sure of the exact age, my parents did the coolest thing ever. They told us (my brother and I) that each of us could pick a destination and we would go there for vacation.. within reason and within the United States. My brother wanted to stay on a dude ranch, I wanted to see the Grand Canyon, Mom wanted to see Vegas and Dad the Hoover Damn. So we drove to Arizona and spent about a week on a ranch. We rode horses all day, ate the most incredible homemade southern food, slept in a covered wagon under the stars... it was amazing. When we left there we went to the Canyon and rode Mules to the bottom, slept in a camp next to the Colorado river, had a very rustic breakfast the next morning then rode back up. I'll never forget how blue/green the river was on the way down ..and how brown from a storm the following day. Or the nasty rattlesnake that looked me in the face when I invaded his shade tree! *chills* Between destinations we stopped in Sedona, an abandoned ghost town, and other attractions along the way. We saw the Hoover Damn. Took a guided tour through it and saw how it all operates. Aaaand we went to Vegas..
Vegas, for me, was a life changing experience. I loved the lights and old Las Vegas and Circus something (the casino with an arcade upstairs for kids), the tigers!! But I was at a very impressionable age and had no idea what that city.. um.. 'offered'. I was shocked and disgusted by all the porno cards plastered around the city. These girls in those vulgar (and embarrassing) poses covering bus stops and side streets. People pushing them into your hands as you're walking by. KIDS! Shoving them in MY hands as I walk by..... I'm seeing all of this for the very first time ....with my Father to my left and my brother to my right. And it changed me. It made me a better person inside. Fighting back tears just walking down the street because my mother and father were so excited to be there. Leaving the hotel room! All I wanted to do was stay in that room.. But I would be brave for them. And I never would have experienced 0 gravity if I would have stayed in! :) So I'm glad I did. I also realized at that time that I would never, could never, be one of those girls. I made a vow that I would never allow myself to fall into a position where that would even be considerable.. But I also lost a lot of pride. I felt like everyone could see through my clothes now. Now knowing there is little use for an imagination... I mean, once you've seen every single inch of every single body type it's pretty easy to figure out what MY blouse is hiding... ya know? I lost a lot of respect for my body then too. Because I also realized... I didn't look like most of them. The pretty ones anyway.... And I don't blame anyone for this. I don't need help with it. There's no one to blame and I get it. I was naive, my parents unaware of its extent.... I'm only bringing this up for one reason:
We spent 10 days in PA.. Which was great but when we left, I was definitely ready to go. There's only so much time you (I) can spend away from your (my) bed. The reason we went there was for my girlfriend's 30th birthday. Only comes once, right.. We met her and about 12-14 other people for dinner before going to the bar where her older brother's band was playing. Dinner was great.. in fact the whole night was great, short of the few things I'm about to bitch about. Funny how that works. No one talks about the good things... I catch myself falling into that lately. And it bites. But anyway, she tells us between the two that she has a stack of cards from Vegas to hand out as party favors.. Lovely *sigh* But it's her night so whatever. Little did I know that stack meant about 5-6 decks of cards! She handed them out to everyone! People she knew and those she didn't. They ended up all over the room. Like my worst memory ever just puked all over the room.
I had asked her when she brought them up not to give any to Chad (who spent most the entire night out in the truck on the phone.. 4 times, no less than an hour each) but she handed him 3 while he stood beside me. Even held one up and made reference to his fantasies. It was an image of a girl squatting over another girls face. Nothing left to the imagination.. To say I was uncomfortable would be an understatement. But... her night. Whatever. I'm a big girl now.
We end up outside to get some air. (The crowd was overwhelming and there was a break in JK's set) Chad walks up and she asks him for a kiss, puckering her lips. When he declined she says, "well kiss on this.." lifted her skirt, bending past her knees and shook her ass in my husband's face! In a g-string! And I........ I still have no words for what went through my mind or body...
Everyone has a code. A morality code. A line they would never cross. And in my eyes, the key to a working relationship between any two people is understanding where their line is, and never crossing it. She crossed my line. Spit right in it's face while I stood there watching. And I Stood. There. And what's worse... I can't honestly say I hold it against her! I saw her twice more before we left and everything was as perfect as it usually is with her. I love her. I GET her! I know exactly why she did it, though she may have no idea that I do. But that doesn't mean I'm not completely devastated that she did.
My parents went snowboarding (skiing) with us while we were there. My Uncle (mom's bro), Aunt and cousins live near a ski resort and 3 of the 4 work there. (The other will when he's old enough, I'm sure of it) It was fantastic. Exactly what I needed. I forgot about everything else in my life for those few days and just smiled from the heart and enjoyed the company.. I wish I had opertunities to do things like that more often.
The rents went at it full force. With the right attitude. And even though they both wiped out a few times, they enjoyed themselves and even want to do it again next year. Which just blew me away! To me they're not old. I guess because they're my parents.. or maybe because I know I'm right behind them and don't want to admit that I'M old! But I do realize that most people their age are not LEARNING how to ski! Most people their age who have been skiers are giving it up.. So I'm just so proud, again, to call them mine.
I ran into a lot of people, while I was home this time, who I haven't seen in quite awhile. It was nice to see a lot of them. Some are exactly what I expected, others.. not so much. Mostly in a good way though. I saw a guy at the bar (birthday party) who I used to think was the biggest, chauvinist, tool in high school. He approached me with manors. Asked how the family was. We talked music and memories then he gave me my space. Before leaving he approached me again to say it was nice to see me. Kissed my hand, being respectable to Chad, told me I was more lovely than he ever could have imagined, and wished me well.... I was shocked! There IS hope for men in this town! After a guy I look at like my baby brother nearly motor boated me in greeting, then that creep purposely brushed against me each and every time I walked by.. I was a little worried the men of my generation, stuck in my hometown anyway, had really gone to shit.
Night
xx
Vegas, for me, was a life changing experience. I loved the lights and old Las Vegas and Circus something (the casino with an arcade upstairs for kids), the tigers!! But I was at a very impressionable age and had no idea what that city.. um.. 'offered'. I was shocked and disgusted by all the porno cards plastered around the city. These girls in those vulgar (and embarrassing) poses covering bus stops and side streets. People pushing them into your hands as you're walking by. KIDS! Shoving them in MY hands as I walk by..... I'm seeing all of this for the very first time ....with my Father to my left and my brother to my right. And it changed me. It made me a better person inside. Fighting back tears just walking down the street because my mother and father were so excited to be there. Leaving the hotel room! All I wanted to do was stay in that room.. But I would be brave for them. And I never would have experienced 0 gravity if I would have stayed in! :) So I'm glad I did. I also realized at that time that I would never, could never, be one of those girls. I made a vow that I would never allow myself to fall into a position where that would even be considerable.. But I also lost a lot of pride. I felt like everyone could see through my clothes now. Now knowing there is little use for an imagination... I mean, once you've seen every single inch of every single body type it's pretty easy to figure out what MY blouse is hiding... ya know? I lost a lot of respect for my body then too. Because I also realized... I didn't look like most of them. The pretty ones anyway.... And I don't blame anyone for this. I don't need help with it. There's no one to blame and I get it. I was naive, my parents unaware of its extent.... I'm only bringing this up for one reason:
We spent 10 days in PA.. Which was great but when we left, I was definitely ready to go. There's only so much time you (I) can spend away from your (my) bed. The reason we went there was for my girlfriend's 30th birthday. Only comes once, right.. We met her and about 12-14 other people for dinner before going to the bar where her older brother's band was playing. Dinner was great.. in fact the whole night was great, short of the few things I'm about to bitch about. Funny how that works. No one talks about the good things... I catch myself falling into that lately. And it bites. But anyway, she tells us between the two that she has a stack of cards from Vegas to hand out as party favors.. Lovely *sigh* But it's her night so whatever. Little did I know that stack meant about 5-6 decks of cards! She handed them out to everyone! People she knew and those she didn't. They ended up all over the room. Like my worst memory ever just puked all over the room.
I had asked her when she brought them up not to give any to Chad (who spent most the entire night out in the truck on the phone.. 4 times, no less than an hour each) but she handed him 3 while he stood beside me. Even held one up and made reference to his fantasies. It was an image of a girl squatting over another girls face. Nothing left to the imagination.. To say I was uncomfortable would be an understatement. But... her night. Whatever. I'm a big girl now.
We end up outside to get some air. (The crowd was overwhelming and there was a break in JK's set) Chad walks up and she asks him for a kiss, puckering her lips. When he declined she says, "well kiss on this.." lifted her skirt, bending past her knees and shook her ass in my husband's face! In a g-string! And I........ I still have no words for what went through my mind or body...
Everyone has a code. A morality code. A line they would never cross. And in my eyes, the key to a working relationship between any two people is understanding where their line is, and never crossing it. She crossed my line. Spit right in it's face while I stood there watching. And I Stood. There. And what's worse... I can't honestly say I hold it against her! I saw her twice more before we left and everything was as perfect as it usually is with her. I love her. I GET her! I know exactly why she did it, though she may have no idea that I do. But that doesn't mean I'm not completely devastated that she did.
My parents went snowboarding (skiing) with us while we were there. My Uncle (mom's bro), Aunt and cousins live near a ski resort and 3 of the 4 work there. (The other will when he's old enough, I'm sure of it) It was fantastic. Exactly what I needed. I forgot about everything else in my life for those few days and just smiled from the heart and enjoyed the company.. I wish I had opertunities to do things like that more often.
The rents went at it full force. With the right attitude. And even though they both wiped out a few times, they enjoyed themselves and even want to do it again next year. Which just blew me away! To me they're not old. I guess because they're my parents.. or maybe because I know I'm right behind them and don't want to admit that I'M old! But I do realize that most people their age are not LEARNING how to ski! Most people their age who have been skiers are giving it up.. So I'm just so proud, again, to call them mine.
I ran into a lot of people, while I was home this time, who I haven't seen in quite awhile. It was nice to see a lot of them. Some are exactly what I expected, others.. not so much. Mostly in a good way though. I saw a guy at the bar (birthday party) who I used to think was the biggest, chauvinist, tool in high school. He approached me with manors. Asked how the family was. We talked music and memories then he gave me my space. Before leaving he approached me again to say it was nice to see me. Kissed my hand, being respectable to Chad, told me I was more lovely than he ever could have imagined, and wished me well.... I was shocked! There IS hope for men in this town! After a guy I look at like my baby brother nearly motor boated me in greeting, then that creep purposely brushed against me each and every time I walked by.. I was a little worried the men of my generation, stuck in my hometown anyway, had really gone to shit.
Night
xx
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Failed attempts
The last time I wrote I had said I was about to leave town for the weekend to spend time with my girly... Well, it never happened. We left, got about half way to our meeting point (where chad would leave me with her and we would travel the rest of the way together) and our truck started to jerk forward then the engine died. Just quit completely on the interstate. After a lot of headache, and a wonderful father, we found that when we filled up that morning we got water in our gas tank. When the water (which does not mix with gas) would go through the motor, it would stall. So anyway, we had to turn around and come home to get the car. This would have had her sitting at a truck stop for nearly 3 hours, but she was willing to do so. Then we get to the house, switch vehicles, and drive to the end of our street. Now, I should probably mention there was a horrible ice storm going on at this time and everything, I mean literally EVERYthing, was shelled in ice within minutes. At one point I felt like the guys on deadliest catch, as we broke a layer of ice off the outside of our vehicle, drove for 10-20 minutes (to that gas station), then had to do so again...
Chad brought this in the bedroom to show me... It's (kinda obviously) our side view mirror
So now we get to the end of our street and start the curve, which isn't really a 'sharp turn', and slide completely off the road into our neighbors yard *sigh* at which point I started to cry and called Jamie to cancel our trip. So she had to turn around and drive back home into worsening weather up north. Spent 5+ hours in the car, driving through blizzard like snow, for no reason.
I hardly slept last night. Remember looking at the clock at all hours of the night.. When I finally did drift off to sleep I had one of the most incredible experiences of my life! (all in a dream.. go figure) I was at a show, a HURT show of course, and for unknown reasons I was way early watching them set up. Just sitting back, quietly, watching them do their thing and anticipating the evening. Then as they were doing sound check I crept up to the stage and semi-silently begged Rek to play his part in 'Letters From Nowhere' (LOVE. THIS. SONG! And for some INSANE reason they didn't release it on the album so there's absolutely no chance I'll ever hear it played live.) Rek's part is my favorite throughout the song and I just wanted a taste of it. Just a short solo... Eventually the batting lash junk worked and he started strumming out his part. Then Victor (drums) caught on and chimed in. The next thing I knew they were all out playing for me :) J's beautiful voice echoed throughout the building. And I was singing along.... then realized everyone in the place could hear me clearly singing along.... then realized I didn't care.... then realized I had to be dreaming and immediately woke up. :( Just like that. But then I sat there smiling, because I knew why I had the dream. I had it for the exact same reason I couldn't sleep! Because today I was going to meet Brent Smith and Shinedown. SHINEDOWN!! Meet them! Shake their hands and tell Brent his vocals are so outstanding and I'm in complete awe of his range. And their new title track has become one of my most favorite songs ever....... Reason being; it makes me feel the way I do when I watch HURT play... Sort of ironic a Shinedown song can 'take me to' a HURT show, but it does. When I'm there, watching HURT, I forget about every. single. thing. in my life and just..... listen. Fall so hard into their sound that I can almost see it in front of me. Feel it around me. Like a natural trip. I float away into their beautiful melodies... and nothing else matters. My true colors shine like nowhere else because I let my guard down completely. To the point it takes about 3 hours or more after I leave to collect myself entirely. I expose my soul to the world. "This is me. I am loved. I am beautiful. I'm invincible. Powerful! I am everything I am not on the outside..." There's nothing in this world quite like it. For me anyway. Like I said, I suppose it sounds like a trip and I imagine tripping would feel rather similar. But I've never dabbled there and can't confirm any of that. Never will. For ME, there's nothing quite like it. When this song comes on, I don't care who's around, I will throw my arms out to my sides and twirl like a 14 year old girl with a crush... It sweeps me off my feet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4_Cuw0E1tqQ
So I was up half the night in anticipation. Drifted off to a glorious dream and woke with a smile. I'm early getting dressed, had time to brew some coffee and shake off the night.... but I can't find their damn album! I was going to have them sign it... because it's A SIGNING for *^$# sake! *grr So I figure I'll just purchase another when we get there. It's not their BEST album, but there are a few gems on there and I'll support it.. again. And surely there will be a supply of Merch at a signing, right? Right?? Wrong. We get there and there isn't a single poster, T-shirt, album... NOTHING. Sold out and we're 30 minutes early! But as we're standing there, so very close yet they're still hiding out somewhere, I tell Chad I no longer care. I just wanted to shake his hand. That's all! That's why I was there, really. To shake his hand and try to tell him, without sounding like a tool, that he's crazy talented and I respect his art. All of them! But mostly Brent. His song with Apocalyptica is actually my favorite.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=e5O90uzvUA4
And if you really watched that (and enjoyed it) here's the second half. This is Lacy from Flyleaf. She makes an appearance at the end of the previous video. If I could simply look like anyone in the world, it would be her. I think because she is the complete opposite of me and I'm down on myself like that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BprFgPCYiNw
So we're standing there, feeling like morons being the only ones without something for them to sign, and decide to run down the street to another record shop to purchase SOMETHING related to the band. (it's Sunday) After 3 closed shops a Target and a Walmart both sold out of their album, an hour and 1/2 later, we now realize we're half way across town. It would take another 30 minutes to get back, the opposite direction of our next destination, and cutting into it's time. Plus now I don't know how long the line will be or if they'd still let us in.... And I still don't have anything for them to sign... So we gave up and went on.........
Chad asks, as I'm fighting back tears, why every time we try to do something just for me, it always falls apart. And ya know, I would LOVE to know the answer to that! I really don't do much for myself. I don't excessively shop. Don't even own a credit card to do so if I wanted to. I've never been to a spa. I do my own hair. Buy makeup maybe once a year. Only go out when I'm home with the exception of the few shows we can afford as they come into town... But yet when I do allow myself to get really excited about something, get a little dressed up and put on the perfume I baby so I don't have to buy more... = shit. About 85% of the time. It's so unfair.
I'm sad today.
So now we get to the end of our street and start the curve, which isn't really a 'sharp turn', and slide completely off the road into our neighbors yard *sigh* at which point I started to cry and called Jamie to cancel our trip. So she had to turn around and drive back home into worsening weather up north. Spent 5+ hours in the car, driving through blizzard like snow, for no reason.
I hardly slept last night. Remember looking at the clock at all hours of the night.. When I finally did drift off to sleep I had one of the most incredible experiences of my life! (all in a dream.. go figure) I was at a show, a HURT show of course, and for unknown reasons I was way early watching them set up. Just sitting back, quietly, watching them do their thing and anticipating the evening. Then as they were doing sound check I crept up to the stage and semi-silently begged Rek to play his part in 'Letters From Nowhere' (LOVE. THIS. SONG! And for some INSANE reason they didn't release it on the album so there's absolutely no chance I'll ever hear it played live.) Rek's part is my favorite throughout the song and I just wanted a taste of it. Just a short solo... Eventually the batting lash junk worked and he started strumming out his part. Then Victor (drums) caught on and chimed in. The next thing I knew they were all out playing for me :) J's beautiful voice echoed throughout the building. And I was singing along.... then realized everyone in the place could hear me clearly singing along.... then realized I didn't care.... then realized I had to be dreaming and immediately woke up. :( Just like that. But then I sat there smiling, because I knew why I had the dream. I had it for the exact same reason I couldn't sleep! Because today I was going to meet Brent Smith and Shinedown. SHINEDOWN!! Meet them! Shake their hands and tell Brent his vocals are so outstanding and I'm in complete awe of his range. And their new title track has become one of my most favorite songs ever....... Reason being; it makes me feel the way I do when I watch HURT play... Sort of ironic a Shinedown song can 'take me to' a HURT show, but it does. When I'm there, watching HURT, I forget about every. single. thing. in my life and just..... listen. Fall so hard into their sound that I can almost see it in front of me. Feel it around me. Like a natural trip. I float away into their beautiful melodies... and nothing else matters. My true colors shine like nowhere else because I let my guard down completely. To the point it takes about 3 hours or more after I leave to collect myself entirely. I expose my soul to the world. "This is me. I am loved. I am beautiful. I'm invincible. Powerful! I am everything I am not on the outside..." There's nothing in this world quite like it. For me anyway. Like I said, I suppose it sounds like a trip and I imagine tripping would feel rather similar. But I've never dabbled there and can't confirm any of that. Never will. For ME, there's nothing quite like it. When this song comes on, I don't care who's around, I will throw my arms out to my sides and twirl like a 14 year old girl with a crush... It sweeps me off my feet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4_Cuw0E1tqQ
So I was up half the night in anticipation. Drifted off to a glorious dream and woke with a smile. I'm early getting dressed, had time to brew some coffee and shake off the night.... but I can't find their damn album! I was going to have them sign it... because it's A SIGNING for *^$# sake! *grr So I figure I'll just purchase another when we get there. It's not their BEST album, but there are a few gems on there and I'll support it.. again. And surely there will be a supply of Merch at a signing, right? Right?? Wrong. We get there and there isn't a single poster, T-shirt, album... NOTHING. Sold out and we're 30 minutes early! But as we're standing there, so very close yet they're still hiding out somewhere, I tell Chad I no longer care. I just wanted to shake his hand. That's all! That's why I was there, really. To shake his hand and try to tell him, without sounding like a tool, that he's crazy talented and I respect his art. All of them! But mostly Brent. His song with Apocalyptica is actually my favorite.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=e5O90uzvUA4
And if you really watched that (and enjoyed it) here's the second half. This is Lacy from Flyleaf. She makes an appearance at the end of the previous video. If I could simply look like anyone in the world, it would be her. I think because she is the complete opposite of me and I'm down on myself like that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BprFgPCYiNw
So we're standing there, feeling like morons being the only ones without something for them to sign, and decide to run down the street to another record shop to purchase SOMETHING related to the band. (it's Sunday) After 3 closed shops a Target and a Walmart both sold out of their album, an hour and 1/2 later, we now realize we're half way across town. It would take another 30 minutes to get back, the opposite direction of our next destination, and cutting into it's time. Plus now I don't know how long the line will be or if they'd still let us in.... And I still don't have anything for them to sign... So we gave up and went on.........
Chad asks, as I'm fighting back tears, why every time we try to do something just for me, it always falls apart. And ya know, I would LOVE to know the answer to that! I really don't do much for myself. I don't excessively shop. Don't even own a credit card to do so if I wanted to. I've never been to a spa. I do my own hair. Buy makeup maybe once a year. Only go out when I'm home with the exception of the few shows we can afford as they come into town... But yet when I do allow myself to get really excited about something, get a little dressed up and put on the perfume I baby so I don't have to buy more... = shit. About 85% of the time. It's so unfair.
I'm sad today.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Random thoughts from the road
I'm in the truck right now, on the way to Chattanooga again. Sure wish this place was a little closer. Seems we're here all the time.. Which is a good thing.. I guess. The reason we come is because there's a young couple here with their lives a little straighter than ours who order from us all the time. The funny thing is, they're jealous of our lives. Ha. It blows my mind how many people tell me they're envious of us... when I'm secretly envious of them. Guess that's the whole "grass is greener" thing.
It's so strange when you hear what others think of you or say about you. The conclusions they've drawn about your life on the tiniest bit of info they have... The scary part is the amount people can assume! One of my girlfriends came over the other day, alone for the first time. Reason being, her husband doesn't allow her out of his sight for too long. And if you knew her... Well anyway, she's telling me about this therapy session they were at the night before and she proclaims that the reason she was able to hang with me that night is because the therapist finally put together that the 'friend' she talks about and the 'friend of hers' that her husband talks about are the same person... ME! From what she says I am this passionate, headstrong, business woman who works like a dog for very little because that's the life the man I love wants to lead. But when her hubby speaks of me I'm some free spirited hippie chic with little responsibility and frivolous with my relationship.... ?? Her husband knows that I'm always at her beckon call if she needs me and that my husband allowed me to go out of town for a week and follow around a band I love, which he would NEVER consider letting her do! "Married women just don't do that." She knows the side of me that's always exhausted and busy and running in circles carrying this business that's been running 9 years this April. The truth of the matter is I am a passionate, headstrong business woman with a hippie heart and free spirit. So there... I guess. Opinions are like assholes.
Last night I asked Chad to help in the kitchen by making a rue. I showed him how, he's seen me do it 100 times, so I just let him go. I was making Gnocchi, which is a process you don't break from, and figured he could handle it. Next thing I know he's putting it in the Bullet (blender), not what i asked, and before I can open my mouth I've been shot in the face with scalding hot liquid and Chad's dancing around, dripping and cussing. Worst part!.. he started it up on the bar between the kitchen and living room so he could see the game. So now gravy has covered both rooms. The bar (including the laptop and papers for taxes) stool and tables we just brought in from the shop for today's delivery, the couch, carpet, wood floor, coffee table, ceiling, ceiling fan, and of course the two of us.... *sigh* Who needs kids..
I just watched a video of a man singing his heart out on stage while a bunch of jerks in a bar spoke loudly around him like he wasn't even there. And what he was playing he doesn't play often... if ever. They had no idea the gift he was giving them. And it irritated me to the point I wished I had been there. To storm up on that stage, grab the mic and scold those assholes! ... Ha! Could you see that? 5'nothin shouting at a few hundred people, "Shut the f*^# up and show some respect to this man! Are you not here for this!? Is this not why you paid to get in!? " / Cut to getting my ass kicked. I had enough liquid courage to speak my mind at a show once. A POE concert.... And my roommate nearly ended up with a concussion.......... CRISCO! Lord I haven't thought of that in a very long time. We called the guy Crisco.... *sigh* Not to his face!! After the fact! ....Never mind.
It's fun when you actually sneeze the way it's pronounced in conversation. (Ya that just happened) When my grandfather yawns, he's all, "Ho Ho Ho hum" every. Single. Time. It's adorable. I'll miss that when he's gone........
I'm leaving Friday to go to Norfolk for the weekend!! Again :) It's become my favorite place in the off seasons. My gf, Jamie, and I are going to see the Broadway rendition of American Idiot. The musical by Green Day. We're staying in a suite on the beach with a heated pool and sauna then driving the 20 mins or so into town for the show... Oh I can't wait! Just to get away and relax for the weekend. Clear my head......
Okay, we're here. Nice chatting with.. me.
It's so strange when you hear what others think of you or say about you. The conclusions they've drawn about your life on the tiniest bit of info they have... The scary part is the amount people can assume! One of my girlfriends came over the other day, alone for the first time. Reason being, her husband doesn't allow her out of his sight for too long. And if you knew her... Well anyway, she's telling me about this therapy session they were at the night before and she proclaims that the reason she was able to hang with me that night is because the therapist finally put together that the 'friend' she talks about and the 'friend of hers' that her husband talks about are the same person... ME! From what she says I am this passionate, headstrong, business woman who works like a dog for very little because that's the life the man I love wants to lead. But when her hubby speaks of me I'm some free spirited hippie chic with little responsibility and frivolous with my relationship.... ?? Her husband knows that I'm always at her beckon call if she needs me and that my husband allowed me to go out of town for a week and follow around a band I love, which he would NEVER consider letting her do! "Married women just don't do that." She knows the side of me that's always exhausted and busy and running in circles carrying this business that's been running 9 years this April. The truth of the matter is I am a passionate, headstrong business woman with a hippie heart and free spirit. So there... I guess. Opinions are like assholes.
Last night I asked Chad to help in the kitchen by making a rue. I showed him how, he's seen me do it 100 times, so I just let him go. I was making Gnocchi, which is a process you don't break from, and figured he could handle it. Next thing I know he's putting it in the Bullet (blender), not what i asked, and before I can open my mouth I've been shot in the face with scalding hot liquid and Chad's dancing around, dripping and cussing.
I just watched a video of a man singing his heart out on stage while a bunch of jerks in a bar spoke loudly around him like he wasn't even there. And what he was playing he doesn't play often... if ever. They had no idea the gift he was giving them. And it irritated me to the point I wished I had been there. To storm up on that stage, grab the mic and scold those assholes! ... Ha! Could you see that? 5'nothin shouting at a few hundred people, "Shut the f*^# up and show some respect to this man! Are you not here for this!? Is this not why you paid to get in!? " / Cut to getting my ass kicked. I had enough liquid courage to speak my mind at a show once. A POE concert.... And my roommate nearly ended up with a concussion.......... CRISCO! Lord I haven't thought of that in a very long time. We called the guy Crisco.... *sigh* Not to his face!! After the fact! ....Never mind.
It's fun when you actually sneeze the way it's pronounced in conversation. (Ya that just happened) When my grandfather yawns, he's all, "Ho Ho Ho hum" every. Single. Time. It's adorable. I'll miss that when he's gone........
I'm leaving Friday to go to Norfolk for the weekend!! Again :) It's become my favorite place in the off seasons. My gf, Jamie, and I are going to see the Broadway rendition of American Idiot. The musical by Green Day. We're staying in a suite on the beach with a heated pool and sauna then driving the 20 mins or so into town for the show... Oh I can't wait! Just to get away and relax for the weekend. Clear my head......
Okay, we're here. Nice chatting with.. me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)