Failed attempts

The last time I wrote I had said I was about to leave town for the weekend to spend time with my girly... Well, it never happened. We left, got about half way to our meeting point (where chad would leave me with her and we would travel the rest of the way together) and our truck started to jerk forward then the engine died. Just quit completely on the interstate. After a lot of headache, and a wonderful father, we found that when we filled up that morning we got water in our gas tank. When the water (which does not mix with gas) would go through the motor, it would stall. So anyway, we had to turn around and come home to get the car. This would have had her sitting at a truck stop for nearly 3 hours, but she was willing to do so. Then we get to the house, switch vehicles, and drive to the end of our street. Now, I should probably mention there was a horrible ice storm going on at this time and everything, I mean literally EVERYthing, was shelled in ice within minutes. At one point I felt like the guys on deadliest catch, as we broke a layer of ice off the outside of our vehicle, drove for 10-20 minutes (to that gas station), then had to do so again...

Chad brought this in the bedroom to show me... It's (kinda obviously) our side view mirror

So now we get to the end of our street and start the curve, which isn't really a 'sharp turn', and slide completely off the road into our neighbors yard *sigh* at which point I started to cry and called Jamie to cancel our trip. So she had to turn around and drive back home into worsening weather up north. Spent 5+ hours in the car, driving through blizzard like snow, for no reason.





I hardly slept last night. Remember looking at the clock at all hours of the night.. When I finally did drift off to sleep I had one of the most incredible experiences of my life! (all in a dream.. go figure) I was at a show, a HURT show of course, and for unknown reasons I was way early watching them set up. Just sitting back, quietly, watching them do their thing and anticipating the evening. Then as they were doing sound check I crept up to the stage and semi-silently begged Rek to play his part in 'Letters From Nowhere' (LOVE. THIS. SONG! And for some INSANE reason they didn't release it on the album so there's absolutely no chance I'll ever hear it played live.) Rek's part is my favorite throughout the song and I just wanted a taste of it. Just a short solo... Eventually the batting lash junk worked and he started strumming out his part. Then Victor (drums) caught on and chimed in. The next thing I knew they were all out playing for me :) J's beautiful voice echoed throughout the building. And I was singing along.... then realized everyone in the place could hear me clearly singing along.... then realized I didn't care.... then realized I had to be dreaming and immediately woke up. :( Just like that. But then I sat there smiling, because I knew why I had the dream. I had it for the exact same reason I couldn't sleep! Because today I was going to meet Brent Smith and Shinedown. SHINEDOWN!! Meet them! Shake their hands and tell Brent his vocals are so outstanding and I'm in complete awe of his range. And their new title track has become one of my most favorite songs ever....... Reason being; it makes me feel the way I do when I watch HURT play... Sort of ironic a Shinedown song can 'take me to' a HURT show, but it does. When I'm there, watching HURT, I forget about every. single. thing. in my life and just..... listen. Fall so hard into their sound that I can almost see it in front of me. Feel it around me. Like a natural trip. I float away into their beautiful melodies... and nothing else matters. My true colors shine like nowhere else because I let my guard down completely. To the point it takes about 3 hours or more after I leave to collect myself entirely. I expose my soul to the world. "This is me. I am loved. I am beautiful. I'm invincible. Powerful! I am everything I am not on the outside..." There's nothing in this world quite like it. For me anyway. Like I said, I suppose it sounds like a trip and I imagine tripping would feel rather similar. But I've never dabbled there and can't confirm any of that. Never will. For ME, there's nothing quite like it. When this song comes on, I don't care who's around, I will throw my arms out to my sides and twirl like a 14 year old girl with a crush... It sweeps me off my feet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4_Cuw0E1tqQ

So I was up half the night in anticipation. Drifted off to a glorious dream and woke with a smile. I'm early getting dressed, had time to brew some coffee and shake off the night.... but I can't find their damn album! I was going to have them sign it... because it's A SIGNING for *^$# sake! *grr So I figure I'll just purchase another when we get there. It's not their BEST album, but there are a few gems on there and I'll support it.. again. And surely there will be a supply of Merch at a signing, right? Right?? Wrong. We get there and there isn't a single poster, T-shirt, album... NOTHING. Sold out and we're 30 minutes early! But as we're standing there, so very close yet they're still hiding out somewhere, I tell Chad I no longer care. I just wanted to shake his hand. That's all! That's why I was there, really. To shake his hand and try to tell him, without sounding like a tool, that he's crazy talented and I respect his art. All of them! But mostly Brent. His song with Apocalyptica is actually my favorite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=e5O90uzvUA4

And if you really watched that (and enjoyed it) here's the second half. This is Lacy from Flyleaf. She makes an appearance at the end of the previous video. If I could simply look like anyone in the world, it would be her. I think because she is the complete opposite of me and I'm down on myself like that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BprFgPCYiNw

So we're standing there, feeling like morons being the only ones without something for them to sign, and decide to run down the street to another record shop to purchase SOMETHING related to the band. (it's Sunday) After 3 closed shops a Target and a Walmart both sold out of their album, an hour and 1/2 later, we now realize we're half way across town. It would take another 30 minutes to get back, the opposite direction of our next destination, and cutting into it's time. Plus now I don't know how long the line will be or if they'd still let us in.... And I still don't have anything for them to sign... So we gave up and went on.........

Chad asks, as I'm fighting back tears, why every time we try to do something just for me, it always falls apart. And ya know, I would LOVE to know the answer to that! I really don't do much for myself. I don't excessively shop. Don't even own a credit card to do so if I wanted to. I've never been to a spa. I do my own hair. Buy makeup maybe once a year. Only go out when I'm home with the exception of the few shows we can afford as they come into town... But yet when I do allow myself to get really excited about something, get a little dressed up and put on the perfume I baby so I don't have to buy more... = shit. About 85% of the time. It's so unfair.

I'm sad today.