Guilt

Today's been a rough one. Had trouble sleeping last night over a guilty conscience... Funny how someone who barely knows you, can say something not even directed toward you, and you feel guilty about something that could 'possibly' hurt someone you don't even know.......... Or maybe that's just me.

We got to work this morning and my husband discovered a contest on this site we're on called LumberJocks. It's called "look mom, no nails" and it's woodwork that people have created not using any hardware. Um HELLO :o) That's what we do! The top 6 prizes include one of each Gorilla Glue product made and there's $200 for top as well. So he wanted to enter this chair he made that is the most incredible piece of work I've seen in person. Problem: A few months ago I deleted a file by accident on on our computer which ultimately deleted every photo taken the previous year and a half.... including the process photos he took when making that chair. One of the requirements to this contest is to show the process... so he can't enter and I suck... again. ONE click! One dumb decision that lasted one fraction of a second and all of it..... gone. This KEEPS biting me in the ass. So on top of the guilt I felt all night, I now have this burden on my shoulders.

So then I start sifting through photos in every file and folder I can find trying desperately to redeem that mistake I made, and I find photos of Sapersompin, my cat who was with me for over 8 years. He passed away about 7 months ago. He was diabetic. We gave him insulin shots twice a day for nearly two years. Do you have any idea how expensive that can be? Vet visits twice a month, viles of insulin, needles, special food & water & treats... It got to the point where we HAD to cut back on something. So I started doing vet visits once a month as opposed to two. And upped the dosage in his shots half a notch rather then an entire notch........ I ultimately killed my cat. Not JUST killed him, but put him through God knows how much pain before he died. He disappeared on us one night. We called and called and called for him till about 1:30am. When we found him he was dragging himself to us in an army crawl unable to move his back legs. We went to an emergency clinic, sat up with him all night... no one could figure out what was wrong. There were no marks anywhere on his body with the exception of where his legs had been dragging the ground. When our vet finally opened in the morning, we took him there and after 4 very long hours were informed he had gone into diabetic shock. It made him convulse so terribly he kicked both of his back legs right out of socket. Why? Not enough insulin.....

Guilt. It hits you when you least expect it. And it eats away at you until you are consumed entirely. I try to base decisions on not having to worry about this feeling in the long run, but sometimes, as with a single click of a mouse... you can't help it. What's worse is when you KNOW what you're doing is wrong, but there is a stronger desire or reason to go ahead with it anyway (like lack of funding with my kitten) You take chances, weigh odds....... who are you willing to hurt? How far are you willing to go? Everything comes to an end. Nothing is free. Every decision you make, no matter how small, will effect something down the line. Just sitting here now writing this, I've chosen not to work for a moment, which means I'll have more work to do later. I don't know who all reads this, or who may stumble upon it later and decide to read it months from now. But I DO know, it'll have an effect on something or someone. Lets hope it's positive............. though considering my day, I'm gonna guess not. :o/