Early Goodbye's

(yesterday)

My landlord stopped over. We bs-ed for a bit, then he says how he's tried to 'help like family' while we've been here, he would love to carry our work once we're closed and if there's anything else he could do...... It was touching and rather sad. He said he'd miss us and I'll miss him too. And his wife, their son, grandson and that cute little dog!!

Then Candy man's wife comes over. Asks if the rumors are true and we're really leaving. I confirmed that for her and she pouted, told me how beautiful our work is and how much we'll be missed. Then as she walks out her husband, Candyman in the flesh *grins* comes in and hardly says a word. He's usually pretty chatty, but this time it was a lot of long pauses. Awkward silence. He too expressed he's not happy we're leaving. Thanked me for all the little things we've done (fixing his door, the electrical issues, being there for them when he was robbed, the trades/barters..) Said we'll be greatly missed.

Now I'm starting to get bummed!!!! ... Just as 'Chatters', what I call the lady artist out back, peeks in to tell me they're leaving to set up a show that runs through the 2nd of December, so this is goodbye. Her Frenchman husband then stops to say goodbye in his super cool accent and she gets tears in her eyes, thanking me, again, for helping her son find a job and taking her around when their car broke down and little shit like carrying stuff to her car and lending a drill.... I now realize these people are REALLY torn up over this! A lot more than I am!! I knew they'd miss us but... Damn. I guess I've been looking at all the bright outcomes that could manifest from this decision, not so much what I'm leaving behind.............. At least that was until carver Chris walked in. The one 'goodbye' I was expecting today.....


(me first)
So how was your trip?
Good. Made some money. Got laid. Didn't get arrested.. Hungry?
Starved.
Yours?
Fantastic! Spent too much money. Saw all my favorite people.. Didn't get arrested.
Your girlfriend's cute. I liked the photo.
She is! Oh I love her so....
Think she'd let me draw her naked?
No... And before you ask, I won't either.
Damn! .... I'm gonna miss you Little Bit.
I'll miss you too, Chris. But it's not like I'll never see you again. We'll be around.
No. No you won't. And even if you are, I'd almost rather never see you again.
Why on earth would you say that?!
The same reason I have friends from long ago I never want to see again. My very best friends that still, to this day, mean the world to me.
It would never be the same....
Exactly. Now I have all those perfect memories of them that I get to keep with me and hold onto... If I saw them again they would be different. And they might remind me of the little things maybe I didn't necessarily like about them. Those things I have forgotten by now. I have 'memories' that even I know aren't exactly how those moments played out. But that's how I choose to remember them.
Like selective memories. I tell my brother he's done that with his ex. He remembers her as being so perfect but has forgotten all the times she broke his heart.
Exactly...... Have you ever shared a moment with someone that was just so perfect that right there in that moment you heard yourself say, "Nothing will ever be this perfect again. I'll remember this moment forever." Something brief. Insignificant almost.....
Handing this guy his pen back....
Okay. Why?
*sigh* Because I thought I saw in his eyes that he wanted me to stay....... So I left.
Why?
Because I wanted that to be the last thing I saw.
To keep it with you. That perfect moment.
Right.
And you've seen him since. Has that ever returned?
No.
So now don't you wish that was the last time you saw him?
No.
Why not?
Because, though it will never be the same, I would rather make new memories then cling to one brief instance that I don't even know was real.
I suppose that's where you and I differ then.
So have you and I shared a moment that was unforgettable?
Oh plenty!
Well if you would have walked away after the first, then the others never would have happened..... Wouldn't you rather have shared the multitude than one brief instance?
Yes, but I see you most every day. It's different when time passes.... I think you've missed my point.
I think I'm making excuses for you to find reason to see us again! I don't want this to be goodbye.
It's not. I'll be back from Florida the 28th. We'll spend the 29th together. I won't be here the 30th. I can't watch you guys move everything out of the shop. I've shed enough tears in your presence....... Think I'll spend that day at home remembering the times we've all shared in my own way.
Creating your selective memories.
Right.
So what are you blocking out? What little things do I do that piss you off?
Well.... for instance this piece of shit you're working on here. What the hell is this supposed to be?
It's an A-frame! In the woods.. by a lake... you're cruel.
No, I'm honest. It looks like shit and you need to start over. You're basing your design off a simple, 3 color, image and you went and detailed the hell out of it! It's muddied because you're trying too hard ............and you can tell you don't really care.
It does look sorta dreadful, huh?
Terrible. Start over and take your mind out of it. Just let the brush do the work and don't over think it. You over think everything.
I'll miss your brutal honesty.
No you won't.
Yaaaaa, not so much.
I'll miss your robotic structure... Your efficiency.
Ha! The lady ringing my groceries yesterday told me I was the most efficient transaction of the day even considering I had the most items. I put heavy shit in front, then boxes, deli, breads...
Nothing half assed. Everything complicated.
Not complicated! ... Efficient. :-P But speaking of complicated, you promised to share your poem before you left. Guess now is as good a time as any......
*eh heh hem*
Some say I've lost my mind.
Shadows in the darkness. Seeing but I'm blind.
Always.
Always looking behind.
Am I running to or from
An illusion of reality in my head.
What if I wake, to find that I am dead?

-long pause-

But aren't you killing yourself slowly by living this way?
.........I see it too. *tear* I'm leaving now. Don't you dare say goodbye to me. I'll see you the 29th... Love you Little Bit.
Love you too, Chris.


As I was closing up shop that guy I went off about on FB (the mooch that calls Chad my "boyfriend") came by. Said he was kicked out of where he was staying so he's heading to Alabama. He started to get emotional too and told us we are the only people he's met in this town over the past 2 1/2 years that he's gonna miss. (And I can't freaking stand the guy!! We high fived when he left!) But we were kind to him and let him be HIM even though he drove us nuts. And that's all people really want.. A little respect. "Res-pect, find out what it means-" /sorry

I still have John and Billy to let go of :( I'll miss them so very much.. Also goodbye's need said to Sandy, Fred and Reba, Ed, Dick, the girls at the leather shop and the crazy jewelry guy..... *sigh* I wasn't prepared for this yet. I'm overwhelmed now and what has been so exciting for me .....sorta sucks :'(